I dont think the LW can handle a relationship where another woman has her mans child. what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). Women dont get off requiring men to do it. She cant afford a child on her own. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. He is also probably telling all sorts of lies to keep the LW with him. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? silver_dragon_girl His right to bang someone without protection could end badly and in this case it did. Thats my advice. Its the law. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. People are calling the LW names (harsh names to be sure) based on the way she is reacting in this letter. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). lol. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. Whatever. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. He says he'll do it after the first trimester as the girl's pregnancy is prone to miscarriage. Youre the one asserting that its only one sex that experiences unfairness. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. Neither is that birth control is not infallible. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. Increasingly, more and more, these letters just simply disgust me. You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. You have to grow up and stop this childish immature desiring for a man who keeps you hanging around. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. Then how does the woman get off require the man to do it? April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. I dont really know what the question was I just assumed it was should we stay together How can you not also be angry at your bf LW? My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. Of. bittergaymark You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? Your Turn: "He Got Another Woman Pregnant While We Were on a Break!" when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. and now he must deal with those consequences. Like condoms until you actually know you can trust them. Its a double standard. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Terrance Dean. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. He might very well be an immature asshole. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. His baby momma, the woman he claims he doesnt love and doesnt want to be with, is threatening to harm herself and the baby if he doesnt be with her. As a woman, you have control over that. But it is probably fair to say I hate the over-the-top modern feminism you appear to espouse. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. April 9, 2012, 11:08 am. You really have no idea what child support means. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. TheQuietOne lets_be_honest They are calling him a scum for not taking any responsibility for happened, and they are calling the LW names for acting like her BF is a saint, and had nothing to do with making this baby. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? You are acting like child support is some sort of lottery win for the woman it is court ordered money that is to go towards the care of your child. Does that change your opinion? Babies are malarky. This letter is written by someone who wasnt even involved in the conception of the child, so I dont believe there can be an objective reading of the circumstances. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. Whether that be by having the child, supporting the child, adoption, abortion, whatever. He chose to not wear a condom and now he has to be responsible for his choice. It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! Oh, me too! Again, not unusual, and since the LW and the guy were broken up, the LW has no claim to what the guy could do after the breakup. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. LW- your boyfriend is scum. 10. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. Because he had sex? I love your snark this morning!! That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. female
By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process. I chose to have a baby. He said this is not gonna ruin us, but Im unsure. He gets a girl pregnant and then tells her to get rid of it because its an inconvenience for him to have to deal with it? Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. 3. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. Mistakes That Can Make a Breakup Worse and What to Do Instead - Insider If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. This is your CHILD. Men this means condom. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. Maybe because she wants something to love. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. Have whatever sex you want. ele4phant Most women hate giving blowjobs, it seems. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). I think that it does, as most have pointed out, take two people to get pregnant. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. 8 Things To Think About If Your Ex Girlfriend is Pregnant Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. reader, bright.beautifulK90+, writes (24 November 2010): A
Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. the thing is, he has a 4 yr old daughter. I think the hes a scum is more about not wanting anything to do with a child that he helped create and trying to brow beat this woman into having an abortion. Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? Like being pregnant is easy. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. Why he would be furious with anyone other than himself is beyond me. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. So just ignore them, thats what I do. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. No loss there. I said there and I think it bears repeating here: you have no right to assume the woman you are having sex with has the same views on abortion as you. Guy Friday It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. Thats what youre always nattering about. Well, they dont entirely disregard fairness to the mother and/or father, but the childs interests take precedent. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. If you dont do these things and you end up donating the genetic material for a person that gets born and is running around and youre its dad, you pony up some child support because it took two people to make that kid. In a perfect, totally fair world, both men and women would get stuck with pregnancy and rearing of children because they both equally engage in the sex that results in the pregnancy. Men still lose here, because if theyre they one who wants the child, tough luck, but thats the way it is. (and I hate that C-word.but LW, you deserve it). If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? I do plan to stay on my birth control because having a period every month doesnt sound like loads of fun after only having 4 a year for so long. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. it happens. The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. But it happened. Exactly why I advocate abortions in those cases. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. 24 signs your ex-girlfriend misses you 1) She's all over your social If Watch your language young lady! Vampires arent supposed to glitter and werewolves arent supposed to be pedophiles. Its a difficult question. Thats reality. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. If youre going to have casual sex, there are some things you can leave to the goodwill of others and some where youve gotta be a little bit proactive. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. You pack of hypocrites. If you want something different, you must do something different. When you split up with someone, you SPLIT UP. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Personally, it doesnt sound like shes trying to trap your untrappable boyfriend into a relationship YOU are trying to trap him, or get rid of him, by telling him he should stay with her because its his kid (and then you go around calling her (the mother of your BFs child) scoat and such very classy)! lets_be_honest Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). and if you arent mature enough to deal with those things (as well as the potential for an unplanned pregnancy) dont have sex. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You dont really get to have a say in this situation, but encourage your boyfriend to have a relationship with this child. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Susie can do what she wants but he wants nothing to do with it.
It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. What the LW needs to do is take a deep breath, wait a long time for this situation to resolve, and then decide what she wants to do. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. We . Nothing. Women can choose whether to bind a man to support their child without the mans discretion. Coke didnt have to do anything wrong. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. People need to think about their actions and the consequences. Wrong. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. And it wont be you for very long. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. She doesnt have to listen to him, but the concern at least needs to be addressed. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. Solved. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. So, you go back to where you started, and then he hits you with another bombshell. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. No interest in fatherhood? He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. Youre upset that it only took a few months for her to get what youve been waiting for 4 years. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. When you ended it you knew it was over. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. As much as men have some inherent advantages, women do as well, and one of them is the ability to, once pregnant, get support for 20+ years from someone they might have just met. Good times. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A
And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. Stop going backwards. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. Dream about boyfriend got another girl pregnant - Dreams`opedia Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. I attempt to avoid name calling, but youre not very smart. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. April 9, 2012, 10:12 am. But wherever youre writing from, I suspect the child support laws are strong enough that, if she goes after it, he wont have much choice. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. Welcome to parenthood. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm.
I think that is a pretty bad guess with how this guys attitude is towards things, and how badley he wants nothing to do with the child. female
In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have.. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. Thanks for the clarification. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. Mostly for the kid though, I think. Paraphrased of course. My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. Also who goes around talking about how he cant stand the mother of his child? and our April 10, 2012, 7:31 pm. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! They way the *LW* is painting the picture here of how she and her bf are treating the unborn child is unfair to the child and is why people are reacting the way they are. STORYTIME: my boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant There was a reason for that.